The Pajero 3.2 GLS - Stuck in translation

I’m no 4X4 fundi, I’ll be the first to admit that. But how hard can it be?? Shove the little lever into ‘4-low’, align the vehicle, let the revs tick over and go for it. Well, that’s what I thought anyway.

And usually that’d be enough Usually But let’s say, for instance, you encounter a puddle…no, scratch that, a small dam. Hypothetically speaking, of course. At this point how many of you real fundis are yelling ‘Walk the water first!’ Quite a few, I’d imagine – know-it-alls!

The Mitsubishi Pajero, I am well-informed, is one of the world’s premier 4X4s.? Indeed, it has no less than 12 Paris-Dakar titles to its formidable name, picking up the first on only the third attempt, in 1985. But I’m more interested in that formidable name, Pajero.Ever wondered where it came from?? Well I have, so I ‘Wikipedia-ed’ it. Apparently it’s named after a mountain cat that inhabits the Patagonia plateau region in southern Argentina – very apt, I’m sure.? I wouldn’t know, I didn’t get that far.? No, what I find far more apt, at least in reference to this particular driver, yours truly, is the Spanish language slang translation that forced it to have a name change.? That’s right, the Pajero was instead named the Montero (‘mountain warrior’) for the Spanish market because Pajero is their word for none other than ‘wanker’…? I’d appreciate a moment’s silence now for the death of both Mitsubishi’s and my dignity…

‘Walk the water’
So right, back to that perhaps not-so-hypothetical, small dam.Beyond the dam is a most convenient makeshift 4X4 track upon which I wished merely to get a feel for the new diesel Pajero 3.2 GLS short wheel base. Nothing serious, just a small bank or two, maybe some mud – not too deep. But to get there, I discovered, I had to cross the small body of water.? It had nothing to do with the 4X4 course - it had just been raining…quite a lot. The first part looked long and deep so, smart as I am, I moved over to the shorter part. It looked shallow – I could even see the surface underneath.

‘Walk the water!’ Yes, I heard you even then, in my mind. It’s not that it didn’t occur to me. It’s just that it was very, very wet and I was wearing jeans, and you know what it’s like trying to wash muddy, wet jeans, plus I didn’t want to get mud in the new Pajero…ahem...

Shove the little lever into ‘4-low’, align the wheels, let the revs tick over, so far so good.? Then that sinking feeling.? Not just the car, but my stomach too.

I didn’t walk the water and that ‘surface’ I could see beneath was the start of 18 inches of pure sludge.? There was nothing I nor the 121kW, 373Nm common-rail direct fuel injection engine could do, except burrow deeper into our makeshift grave.

Rescued – moments too late
Fortunately, the driver of a passing tractor was kind enough to attach a rope to the Pajero’s rear tow loop.? Unfortunately, I had, only moments before, after nearly an hour of deliberating my least embarrassing options, already called the dealership. They weren’t happy. That’s an understatement, by the way.

Surprisingly, however, when I returned to the dealership, after a shower and a change of clothes, to fetch my own car, they still offered me the 3.2 litre long wheel base, to be taken for a test – probably to show me just how not upset they were.? Trying to break the ice – there was an awkward tension in the air – I told them that’d be great and said laughingly that this time I’d try not to get stuck going through that ‘puddle'.